I’ve been talking a lot about self-care, self-love, and all that it should entail. Well, surprise! Here is yet another topic that falls under the self-care, self-love umbrella: protecting your peace. Again, I try to not tell my readers what to do. This is primarily because we all have different ways of channeling certain aspects of our lives, including how we maintain our peace. However, I can provide a framework or key points to understand or potentially identify key influences of that particular topic. With that being said, let’s get into it!
The world is filled with people, places, and things who seek to interrupt, interfere, and infringe on our personal vibe. Things that disturb our flow and negatively impact how we feel and how we think. Examples include people who always have something negative to say, places that have dysfunctional environments, and things that make you feel insecure. The world is filled with chaos and life is unpredictable, but the one thing that we can control is ourselves.
We have more control over situations than we often times realize. I get it; sometimes we can’t help when life happens to us and our happiness is rattled. But, it doesn’t mean that you have to lose your peace. There will be times when we experience challenging circumstances that will bring about emotions that may feel unbearable at times. But, what about the circumstances that we can control? Why do we subject ourselves to things that make us unhappy? Why do we follow people that make us feel unsuccessful? Many of us lack peace and we are either afraid to admit it or we don’t know how to manifest it. The main trick to finding peace is being willing to lose people, places, and things that create noise in your life.
BELOW ARE FOUR THINGS THAT I DO TO MAINTAIN AND PROTECT MY PEACE:
STOP TRYING TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF
I’ve stopped trying to explain myself or defend myself to people who are set on misunderstanding me. I am always up for a healthy debate or a healthy conversation that consists of exchanging ideas. However, I refuse to participate in an argument where I am hearing the other party out and that same energy is not being reciprocated. Neither am I interested in conversing with someone who listens to what I am saying only to respond as opposed to listening to understand. I give out what I expect back and because I try to not do that to others, I refuse to allow it to be done to me. How others interpret my words and actions is their choice and how I protect my peace is mine. Even if that means putting people and situations on the chopping block, which BTW is an essential step to maintaining my peace.
KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS
What gives you anxiety? Who or what makes you feel like you want to pop off? Who or what makes you feel insecure? What makes you doubt yourself? Who offends you? Knowing your triggers is not easy, but when you begin to pay attention to yourself you’ll be able to identify things that aren’t healthy for your overall emotional state. If every time you get on Instagram you feel a little more unaccomplished, a little more stuck, a little more unhappy with your life then that is a trigger and it disrupts your peace. If every time you meet up with that guy and he makes you feel like you’re not good enough – that’s a trigger, sis! Listen to yourself, your body, your mind, and your emotions to find out what your triggers are and then eliminate them as much as possible to maintain your peace as best as possible.
SET BOUNDARIES
No is a full sentence. It is a beginning and an end. It is one word. Can you take on this extra project? No. Can you come over I need help again? No. Can we go on a date? No. Can I come over today? No. Yes, it’s hard telling people you care about no, but it is also hard navigating the universe when you are not at one with yourself. It is okay to make yourself unavailable from time to time. Understand your limits, because unless you know where you stand, you will not be able to set boundaries. Be direct about your boundaries and unblur lines that may be fuzzy. For example, I was talking to a guy who was into PDA – something that I am nothing for. So, instead of suffering through either being noticeably uncomfortable or slightly pushing him off of me every time he tried to be overly affectionate, I had to have a real conversation with him. “This is what I am and am not okay with and either you can pull back a little or pull back a lot, but these things are important to me.” I was clear, direct, and assertive. Sometimes you have to draw lines and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. It shows that you love yourself and that you respect others.
“Healthy boundaries are not walls. They are the gates and fences that allow you to enjoy the beauty of your own garden.” -Unknown
REMOVE TOXICITY
Peace is not free and it may require you to eliminate things that create toxic energy in your life. At the end of last year I was exhausted by a 6-year friendship and talked to my mentor about it. She went through the steps of asking why I felt this way and, in a nutshell, I explained to her that I was tired of trying to consistently and continuously meet my friend’s friendship standards. I talked about how she had said unforgivable words to me while she was drunk (which was the ultimate reason I began to consider cutting her off) and how she always wants to pull the unfriend, unfollow, and “you won’t hear from me again” card. I talked about how things were expected of me that were not reciprocated from her. And, I talked about how I loved said friend, but felt like my spirit would be in a much better place if I ended the friendship. She said to me, “Nothing in this world is free; even your peace comes at a price.” Meaning that even when you are seeking peace you will have to face uncomfortable situations and make difficult decisions that will cost you people, places, and things. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am not for everyone. Furthermore, as I continue to develop both personally and professionally, people who I may have been for previously may have outgrown me or vice versa. This is also the case for places and things. I am okay with growing out of and away from things, especially if they add no real value to my life. Peace and toxic things cannot coexist.
So what I am basically trying to say is that peace is like a glass of ice cold water on a hot summer day; your body needs it, it feels good when you take it in, and it makes you feel better (yes, I came up with that and I am so proud of myself). Hope this helps!
