HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY TO ME! The inevitable fact that I am getting older is a new feeling for me, but it’s already challenged me to think about how I plan to level up over the next four years. I always like to take a step back and look at some of the things I’ve come to realize as I step further into womanhood and I want to share some of those things with you. I hope that someone walks away feeling like this was a much needed post.
There’s 26, but you don’t have to read them all. Find the one that resonates with you most and see what I have to say about the topic.
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO CRITICIZE YOU, SO DO WTF YOU WANT
I’ve learned that no matter what you are doing, whether good or bad, there will always be nay-sayers, haters, and people who just always have something to say. It’s draining to worry about them and what they think, so don’t. Focusing on what makes you happy is a best practice for being happy.
BEING UNSURE ABOUT YOUR FUTURE IS OKAY
Despite what you see on the internet, most people do not have their shit figured out. To add to that, there is nothing wrong with not knowing what you want to do for the rest of your life. I believe that if you are constantly striving to gain skills, knowledge, and resources in any area, it will align with your true passion when it’s time. If nothing more, you need to have a plan that will accelerate you regardless of what you choose to pursue in the future.
COMPROMISING YOUR ENERGY IS NOT OKAY
I used to underestimate how transferable energy can be and how much it can mess with your peace. One of the best things I’ve done for myself is to learn the laws of energy and how to keep my negative energy away from people and keep their negative energy away from me. I’ve found so much power in simply saying “nah I don’t even want to deal with that energy today, I’m not going.”
MANIFESTATION IS REAL
You cannot get what you want if you don’t know what you want. You cannot get what you want if you do not know what to ask for. You cannot get what you want if you do not know how to speak it into existence. I learned this the hard way and I’m still learning, still manifesting, still speaking things into existence. It’s a process, but it works! Visualize what you want, believe that it can happen, intend to manifest your desire, take action, allow it to manifest and accept the manifestation.
GROWING OUT OF PEOPLE HAPPENS
Some people are only meant to be in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Not only is it okay, but it’s also very normal to outgrow people. Relationships, friendships, situations, etc. can begin to feel like dead weight or toxic and unhealthy situations and can do so on a very wide spectrum. Cut the dead weight and watch how much you flourish.
TRYING TO CHANGE PEOPLE IS A WASTE OF TIME
People will change when they are ready, not when you are ready for them to change. Try to give them the resources, courage, confidence, and the knowledge to use when are ready. However, do not try to change their behavior (unless it’s rooted in some theoretical model or framework, haha). The old saying still goes, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”
HABITS TAKE TIME, PATIENCE, AND DEDICATION TO CULTIVATE
It’s hard to build a habit. I’ll be honest about that part of my life. Especially a habit that I know I need to adopt but don’t necessarily want to. Or even the habits that don’t offer instant gratification so I end up falling back on them. The truth is that forming a habit is another level of discipline, focus, and dedication and it takes time and commitment to make it happen. The challenge isn’t the habit itself, it’s having enough patience and being committed enough to see it through.
DON’T MAKE EXCUSES, MAKE IT RIGHT
Kids make excuses, adults make it right. Excuses hold us back because it gives us a safety net for rationalizing our actions regarding our circumstance(s). Of all habits to break, this should be among those of highest importance. Get out of the habit of excusing your failures, procrastination, wrong doings, etc. by making excuses.
NO IS A FULL SENTENCE
I don’t even think I need to elaborate on this. Especially since I’ve done so in the Four Ways To Protect Your Peace post. I will say this though – it is okay to set boundaries and be clear about what you do or do not want. As well as what you will and will not accept. This shows that you respect yourself and you are clear about your limits.
LEARNING NEVER STOPS
Learn from the past. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from your experiences. Learn from other cultures. Learn from other music genres. Learn from your friends. Learn from your family. Learn from your professors. Learn from your enemies. Learn from your lovers. Learn from yourself. Learn from someone more intelligent than you. Learn from someone who has nothing to offer. Learn by reading books. Learn by traveling. Learn by trying new things. Learn by being open-minded. There are ways to learn all around you and to think that you have to be in school to learn is a myth. Don’t stop learning! You are only limiting yourself and your potential.
BE OPEN TO TRYING NEW THINGS
This goes hand in hand with learning. If you aren’t open to try new things then you don’t have any room to grow and expand yourself. Trying new things gives you an opportunity to be well-versed and gives you a better understanding of what you do and don’t like. You’re able to learn about yourself, it gives you things to talk about, and it exposes you to what else life has to offer outside of what you know.
EXPERIENCES > MATERIALISTIC THINGS
Speaking of what life has to offer…. Always choose experiences over materialistic things. A Gucci belt is cool and all, but a flight to experience a new culture is way better. I believe in experiencing all types of things, you don’t have to travel to experience. Houston, like many cities, is diverse enough to have a full day of new and unique experiences! I personally love hitting Chinatown, the Heights, or even the hood to see what unique activities it has to offer. Eventbrite is good for that also – telling you about things you can EXPERIENCE in your area. I love it.
EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. YOU. ME. BARACK OBAMA.
Mistakes and/or failure does not define you. We all make mistakes and while no one ever truly speaks on them please do understand that they are being made. This goes back to the not making excuses portion of this post; make a mistake, and rectify it. Don’t make an excuse. Don’t ignore it. Don’t act like you don’t owe someone an apology. Don’t act like it wasn’t your fault. Make the mistake, acknowledge it, and make it better.
SAYING “I DON’T KNOW” IS OKAY
No one knows everything and it’s okay if you don’t know something. This means… at work, it’s okay if you don’t know…. at home, it’s okay if you don’t know… to your kids, it’s okay if you don’t know… to your parents, it’s okay if you don’t know… to your friends, it’s okay if you don’t know.
EMBRACE CHANGE
Change is inevitable, just like aging. Embrace it. Change can be such a beautiful experience if you allow it. If you aren’t resistant to new things coming into your life you’d be amazed at how well they fit into your puzzle.
YOU DON’T OWE AN EXPLANATION
In all fairness… I get it, there might be things where you actually need to give an explanation. You might have to tell your professor why you missed class or even tell someone why you need to borrow money (because I won’t let you borrow without an explanation). However, there are just some things that you shouldn’t feel like you have to explain. You’re entitled to staying in for some self-care time without having to explain yourself to anyone. You’re also very entitled to treating yourself to whatever you consider to be luxuries of life without having to justify your reasoning. And, keep in mind that others don’t have to justify themselves to you either.
YOU CAN’T POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP
Stretching yourself thin is no good to anyone; not yourself and not the person/people you are trying to pour into. Let’s revisit one of my favorite words, “NO.” This is a word that allows you to set boundaries for yourself and the expectations of others as it relates to you. Again, in the post “Four Ways To Protect Your Peace” we discussed setting boundaries. Provide others with clarity about what they can expect from you. Better yet, give yourself clarity about what others cannot expect from you.
SMALL SKILLS ADD UP
Being able to develop multiple skill sets that add up and work well together is really important – no matter your line of work. Learning how to multitask, stay organized, and work well with a team at your full-time job will end up being transferable skills that are key to your entrepreneurial journey. Continue to build, even if you don’t see the value. One day it will all make sense and you’ll be happy you chose to build skills that can be used in multiple ways.
TIME IS VALUABLE
My time is valuable and I truly believe in valuing others time as well. Our time on earth is limited. The time that we spend with others is never enough when we lose them forever. There never seems to be enough time in a day. When people give us their time, they are giving us a portion of their life that they will never get back. That said, value your time more and value the time of your friends, family, coworkers, classmates, business partners, employees, and etc.
FINANCIAL FREEDOM IS THE GOAL
Being in debt isn’t the move. The ultimate goal in life is to be free and have complete control over your life. As long as we are in debt, we will never have that freedom. I’ve made it a goal to pay off student loans and any other debt that I may have – and you should too! Become an entrepreneur, have multiple streams of income, don’t settle for a 9-5.
HAVING A PLAN SHOULD BE YOUR PLAN
Earlier I talked about how it’s okay to be unsure about your future; I still feel that way. However, I do believe in always having a plan. Your goals, whether short term or long term, should dictate how you move and the habits you form. Assume that in a year you want to have a full-time job with benefits. This means: (1) you are attending networking events regularly, (2) you are putting yourself in positions to sell yourself, (3) you are connecting with organizations that stand for things you are passionate about and (4) you have a stand-out resume and killer interviewing skills. Start showing up as the person you want to become.
CONSISTENCY IS KEY
I hate being cliche, but it’s true. I am consistently working on being consistent with blogging. Primarily because my workload and school load gets crazy, but underestimating the power of regularity is something that no one should do. Especially entrepreneurs, anyone trying to monetize their brand, students, and professionals!!
PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT IS A THING
You are the beginning and the end of anything great. So don’t be afraid to invest in yourself. Also, don’t wait for others to invest in you either. Invest in your knowledge, resources, skills, and experience. Groupon offers courses for you to learn how to do new things. There are certificate programs online and all over the U.S. Purchase that $35 book from Barnes Noble and read it all the way through. Growing yourself benefits you first and everyone else second.
MENTORS ARE IMPORTANT
I hate that I feel like mentors are not used as much anymore. It’s like no one wants to be a “true” mentor and no one wants to have a “true” mentor. Role models are great, but until they become a mentor you lack someone who advises you. Someone you can trust to have your best interest at heart when you ask them for advice. And when you find a good mentor and feel like you have the resources to become a good mentor – then please do mentor someone who needs it!
AVOID THE SHINY OBJECT
Yes! I believe that we can all be great at many things, but we must first become great at one (maybe three) things. Jumping from one idea to the next will leave you with many failed and unfinished projects. This only leads you to believe that you cannot be great at one thing when you’ve actually tried being great at too many things and don’t understand your true ability to master a project.
DON’T SETTLE
Don’t settle for love. Don’t settle for a career. Don’t settle for a shitty doctor. Don’t settle for lukewarm food. Don’t settle for toxic friends. Don’t settle for unreasonable rent. Don’t settle for anything. Nothing is perfect, but settling makes things even worse. Be happy with what you truly want rather than unhappy with what you wish you could change.
