What sets you apart may feel like a burden at times, but it’s actually what makes you great! I’m getting transparent today with the hopes that I’ll inspire someone to just be who you really are. Over are the days of adhering to the status quo, it’s time to break the mold and create your own.
I used to be such an insecure doctoral student. I’d always feel guilty for enjoying my weekends and going out to drink with my friends – especially when I knew my classmates were doing just the opposite. I was timid in class (at first) because I felt so “different.” The night before class I’d be enjoying hood-rat activities with my friends and then in class the next morning sitting among my colleagues who I assumed spent their night reading 13 chapters. I would be engaged in convos discussing pop culture, what I missed on Shaderoom, and catching up on the latest tea. And then the next morning discussing theoretical concepts and statistical methodology. I couldn’t help but feel like I had to pick one.
In my first semester, I lost my Dad and still made straight A’s. The second semester I made straight A’s, got a promotion at work, and was still doing me. I remember very specifically a young lady writing me on Instagram saying something very similar to “Idk how you do it all but you’re killing it and making it look good along the way! She doesn’t even know how she helped me see what I couldn’t. I thought, “why do I have to pick one when I’m clearly doing a damn good job at doing both?!” The truth of the matter is… I didn’t have to pick one! For nearly 6 months in my doctoral program, I felt so out of place and lacked connection because I was trying to connect with others as someone who wasn’t myself. The truth of the matter is, what set me apart is what made me great!
When I began showing up as myself, I clicked with my classmates better, I was more confident in class, and I was much happier. I was a better student because of it. My colleagues (classmates and professors) quickly became familiar with my demeanor, my tone, my energy, my personality, etc. And to be honest, even if that wasn’t the case I was so determined to be my true self that it wouldn’t have mattered.
I began getting messages from Black women who were aspiring doctoral students and professionals! In addition to being inspired by my father, I was also inspired by other women like me who served as a motivating factor behind the birth of the “Unprocessed Lifestyle Blog.” I wanted women to be inspired by someone walking in her power who is unapologetic, raw, and authentic about who she is and who she is becoming.
There is nothing more powerful than being who God meant for you to be and there is no better feeling than embracing that power. I learned that I value authenticity and feel good when I encourage or inspire others to be themselves also. This doesn’t go to say that we have to be “stuck in our ways.” Instead, it goes to say that we accept the things we can’t change, work on the things that we can change, and embrace the things that make us who we are regardless of whether or not it fits the status quo.
